No Slaves

Here, well were a preppy sort of crew. We all like polo shirts and khaki pants and I wear my penny loafers with actual pennies in them. I know, I hear it all the time, I should put in dimes. But deep down I know I'd swipe 'em when I needed change, so pennies it is.

I digress. My Girlie #1 now has a shoe size larger than mine and we haven't hit the teens yet.

Yahoo, my heels are safe! 

We headed out just the two of us on a shopping excursion to find sweet, modest, young lady clothing.

(insert laughter here)

It took us all day.
We had a wonderful time and did actually find adorable outfits.

(she'd hate to hear me call them that)

Desperate to find pieces that fit I decided it was time we looked in Forever XXI. Now, I've never shopped there before and wasn't I surprised to find that MC Hammer pants are back.

This is an 80's Super Star Costume available online

 
I snapped a photo as proof.

A Honest to Goodness outfit complete with MC Hammer Pants

The Girlie wanted to try them on but I told her we weren't slaves to fashion especially when it looked like a giant fabric diaper. She saw the wisdom in my observation and calmly returned them to the rack. 


I don't get too many one on one days with my kids, but when they come around I love 'em.

Joyfully, counting as I'm laughing....

641.
Finding Cambridge School of Ballet and watching Girlie #1 take a trial class and the friendly classmates and I'm an overjoyed mom 'cause I love to watch her dance.

643.
Learning new art/craft techniques

645.
Friday evening basketball practice becoming Wednesday eve practice.

646.
Big rainstorm filled up the pool.

648.
Learning html code and watching The Man's eyes light up as he explains it even further.

650.
Being able to read small print (now if only the big print far away would come back in focus)

651.
Shopping Day just the Girlie and me.

652.
Styles that just stay in style.

653.
Having another unexpected one on one day with Girlie #2.

654.
Folks who write books sharing their trials so I can grow.

658.
Kisses goodbye and a run back for just one more hug.

Demolishing New Construction

We sat on the coach last night. I, feeling frustrated and halted, discouraged but he was strength and wisdom and can I say I'm so grateful for a man that leads.
He just asked some simple questions.
Nothing profound or totally deep.
Just conversation.
He shared moments.
Precious words spoken from the heart of struggles in his daily life.
They soothed my tumultuous heart.

I was battling with God, or so I thought. Really, a little personal temper tantrum and I spat self deprecating thoughts at my Creator as I rapidly laid new bricks around my heart

If you have other folks that do it better than me, then why ask it of me?
Even more so, if you have them why did you bother to create me?

Damaging thoughts of insignificance pierce me deeply and the need to prove my significance a deep rooted sin.

On the coach the man acts a conduit of the Father and he just whispers,

'I know your struggle and I'm glad you're here'

And the echo of the Father is there in those spoken words.

Simple words. Said in the man's quiet way shatter my new construction and douse my heart in warmth.
Understanding sends me asking forgiveness.
Focusing my eyes back to Christ.

How we struggle when the words are left unsaid. Who isn't confronted with damaging words spoken into the soul, words carelessly assailed through the air in moments of frustration or fits of rage.

But, it's the healing words that God uses. And, when those healing words are left unsaid, in their absence, those moments where there should be edification but it is missing, how often do we grasp hold of the damaging words and drive them even deeper.

When the healing words are spoken, written, the Holy Spirit takes them and whisper them gently into our hearts and they act like a balm. They soothe the pain and open wide the eyes of the hearer, revealing new truths.

Counting up to some BIG numbers:
631.
45 minutes all to myself. Taking my Bible Study from start to finish without a single interruption.


632.
Pliers that fix broken stuff.

633.
The man's leadership.

634.
A gift of an electrical outlet where there once was none.

635.
Patience.

636.
Can I ever list here enough times how grateful I am for books....especially the Bible.

637.
Planning a girl's Bible Study

Transformation

Have you ever tried to change your eating habits?

We have. It's hard.

When pregnant with my third I went to a nutritionist and his guidance let me keep food down. That was huge. So I figured if he could expand my eating options when pregnant what could his advice do for me physically in normal circumstances.

Amazing would be the word. Up at 5 am going to bed with the owls and full of energy. Everyone asking what I was doing to look so radiant (while toting around a newborn, 2 and 4 year old).

It lasted a while 'til one day I didn't have time to plan meals. I headed to the grocery without a list. I wandered the store unable to recall the recipes for my healthier meals so I put an old standby, tried 'n true, not so healthy meal on the menu. Then it happened again and again until I forgot that healthy girl altogether.

It's really hard to chart new ground.
New ground like home schooling when I walked the halls of a school for 12 years.
New ground like pleasing God before man.
New Ground like nightly family Bible readings and devotions when I grew up with dinnertime grace.
New Ground like healthy/raw eating style when I've been making the same casserole dishes since, well forever.

New ground is hard because the trail to where I started is easier to retrace then the untrampled grasses ahead of me.

The past me is deeply ingrained.

Transformation is difficult. It requires work and it is hard. I have to uproot comfortable, well tried and often loved pathways. I have to work at things that don't come easily. I have to give up my free time spent in my pursuits and choose to search the heart of God.

I have to do hard thing, and that's just hard. 

I have to be diligent to follow a plan daily to reach a transformed state.

I have to do this on days when I want to be someone else. Days when I stumble and trip. I skip school while I call a friend to ask if it's okay to eat at McDonald's. Then, I feel like a failure and the road ahead is long and I've come a centimeter.

I am so glad God doesn't have a measuring stick to get into heaven. You know the kind they use at theme parks to see if a kid's tall enough to get on the ride. I'm so glad there won't be some angel standing at the gates while I'm stretching on tiptoes and still missing the height requirement by miles.

Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Transformation would be our word for this year. It is nice that I'm working through some hard stuff alongside others.

Counting and Counting....
583.
A daughter's mature response to Transformation and doing hard things.

585.
Boy in a Coon Skin hat and Cowboy Boots.

586.
Flip lid Storage Boxes

588.
The T.V. has been dark for a week straight

590.
Excitement over history projects.

591.
Moon gazing with the man through the new telescope.

593.
Newsie letter from a Great Aunt

595.
$5 pair of tennis shoes

597.
Kids newly discovered love of chess.

604.
Living in the only state in the U.S.A. that has NO snow on the ground.

Bound & Gagged

I'm new to this. This laying it all out there. I have stacks of journals and in them I have been honest, brutally honest and in those pages I can exhale.

I have sinned with my pen on those pages.
I have worshiped and  the tears are evidence of my spilling over heart as their stain traces run down the page.
I've written things that made me laugh out loud and I do again when I re-read.

But here. In this space, where I don't know who reads?
where I don't know what you think
where you can revisit and re-read
where you can know my sin here in print
where my heart is laid bare for you to roam in the quiet of your present space

The reality of this
at times
sends me spiraling
and I am silenced by my fear
I doubt every word laid down
Is there any value to this endeavor
Is there value to my words

As I sit here currently bound and gagged by my thoughts I pray,

Lord, let the typed words on this page bring glory only to you. Refocus my vision. Help me give the words on this space to you.

It will take me a week or so. I will spend a week or so finding my way out of my bound and gagged state. The process to hurdle fear is not a new one, just the platform that caused the fear.  Putting the reality of my state here for you was a big step.
So, If I can say, thanks so much.
You've been a big help.

My Boy's Battle

He storms in. I recognize this anger. On too many occasions I've enveloped myself in it like a warm cape. I confine him and his garment to a chair in my office but the emotion must be released. He hits the chair, beats the floor and makes noises to draw me into his cloak of anger.

Not long ago I chose to go there with my children. Anger would build up inside while I tried to be

A patient I wasn't,

Fought for a Calm I Didn't Have.

Today was different. In a prayerful state I asked for guidance. I invested time and attention to navigate my way so I could help him work through his Heart of Anger.

He continued to throw venemous, sarcastic words at me.

Why, oh why is he so adept at this painful art at such a young age,

Is it because I led him there and now I must help him find his way out.

I took his place in the chair and pulled his young body onto my lap. I flipped past ink filled, tear stained pages of my anger journal to find a clean list of questions and we began the process of unraveling his sin.

His body's hard and stiff in my arms and I beian to whisper truth into his ear.
Only seven, but he says to me,

"My sins are too many"

And he feels this way and I understand because how many times have I been brought to my knees with the same knowledge.

We read Righteous Anger vs. Sinful Anger and we read Romans 12 and he begins to sob. So cleanly aware of the messiness of his life and I get to pray with him. We ask for wisdom and listening ears so we can clearly hear the Holy Spirit's guidance.

His body begins to soften. He takes the tissues used to wipe his tears and begins to stuff them in his mouth. The tender moment too much, it must be punctuated with laughter. I frame his precious face in my hands and we speak kind words to each other. I proclaim him a child of the King and he humbly and prayerfully asks for forgiveness.

And here in this little room my boy has fought a mighty battle and he has made his King proud.
God has been glorified .

Hello 2011

Here I stand at the foot of a New Year and the 360 some odd days lay ahead of me. My pulse quickens, maybe from fear? Another year, can I do another year?

No, It's adventure! Where will I go? Who will I meet? What will I read and how will it all change me?

I am excited to push onward into this 2011. I have in hand a list of goals I've jotted down for myself. I don't like resolutions, there nothing resolute about them. But, goals....

God Ordained Actions for my Life 

These motivate me. 

God and I, well we sat down to discuss some key issues; husbands, kids, education and friendship and this mortal soul named Kelly. It seems He's got a plan and I'm working to walk in it. He inspired me anew with His words from 2 Peter 1:5-8

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you posses these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ

And, isn't that my primary purpose, the point of all these Goals, to develop a deeper knowledge of that Creator so that I can be more like Him, used by Him.... and this beautiful list acts like a compass pointing me in His direction.

Hello 2011! It's gonna be great getting to know you.

New Gratitude in the New Year:

562.
New Year's Day on a Saturday. Perfect for packing it all up and putting the house to right.

563.
Kids staying up til midnight watching silly Marx brothers movies.

564.
Celebrating our New Year's Eve babies twelfth birthday.

571.
That amazing man who calls me wife and makes me laugh, holds me when I cry. So grateful God put him on this earth. Happy Birthday!

572.
Riding her bike home from the Grands wearing the new Camo with blace orange beanie.

575.
Quiet evening with the man writing and discussing Goals for the New Year.

576.
Candy Kanes hung in my office, the last vestige of Christmas in the house.

577.
My parents right around the corner and always up for an adventure, cup of coffee or visit.

578.
New shelves in the garage.

579.
A church so full it's tough to find a seat.